Why?
by idioticonion
Summary: Barney discovers that Robin is a rape survivor. Warning, discussion of experiences of abuse. Timeline: Season 5.


"Okay," Barney said, dragging Robin off the street and into a tiny cafe. "What the hell happened back there?"

She stood there stiffly for a moment, her expression slowly crumbling, then she pulled free of his grip and ran for the rest room. He followed her, standing outside and listening to her retch for long minutes before venturing inside.

"Okay, I get it," he said, surprisingly gently. "You don't wanna talk about it so-"

"It was ten years ago," Robin interrupted him, her voice full of quiet hate. She emerged from the stall, wiping her red and streaming eyes. "He was a record producer and he told me that I should forget the whole Robin Sparkles thing and reinvent myself in the States. He told me I could be a star." She sniffled and laughed, shielding her face with her hand. "He was... older. And I was stupid."

"That was him?" Barney asked, thumbing over his shoulder. They'd run into this guy about five minutes ago on the sidewalk and Robin had freaked out. He'd never seen her look so scared, so frantic, but all she seemed right now was embarrassed. "Did he... take advantage of you?" He asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

Robin grimaced and let out a bark of laughter. "Yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Young starlet with Daddy issues has sex with producer. Hot." The irony dripped from her voice.

Barney didn't say anything. The dull look in her eyes was scaring him.

"That's not the way it happened." Robin said, after an awkward pause. "I was young, and stupid. And he was really strong. I thought I should say no, but..."

"Dude!" Barney reached out and she took a step away from him, shaking her head.

"No, no, he didn't rape me. I... I could have stopped him, right? If I really didn't want it? I mean... look at the clothes I used to wear? All those mini skirts. I was just... I mean, if I didn't want guys to... I could have stopped him..." She began to cry, in great, wracking sobs that almost bent her double. He couldn't imagine how many years she'd held this in and he wondered if he was the first person she'd ever told. He wrapped his arms around her, held her, as she sank down onto the tiled floor. He kept hold of her while she threw her arms around his neck and clung to him like a small child, her whole body shaking. "I could have stopped him," she insisted.

"It wasn't your fault." Barney whispered in her ear.

"Daddy... issues..." There was a violent hitch in Robin's voice.

"No!" Barney said, pushing her away a little so he could look her in the eye. "You can never stop him. You're not strong enough. I know it feels like you can, if you just kick a little harder. You ask yourself why? Why can't you stop this? Why is he doing this to you? But then he hits you and it hurts so much, and before you know it he has his hands... and he's inside you, and it fucking _hurts_, Robin, and it's NOT your fault... It's NOT, no matter how many times you tell yourself." His own voice was rising now, shaking, scared by his own demons, so desperately buried, so long ago. "It's not, please believe me. Please."

He felt something on his face - her tears - felt her reach out and touch his cheek.

"Good god, man. Barney?" Robin said, the haunted look fading from her eyes. "You too?"

He shook his head. "I could have fought him off." He shrugged.

"When was it?" She asked carefully.

"College..." He bit off the word, feeling too open now, too exposed. He'd never meant to run off at the mouth like that.

"Shit," Robin commented and pulled him close, into a hug. "Wow, I guess we're both pretty fucked up, huh?"

Barney shrugged, feeling her bony shoulders move beneath his fingers, feeling the love creep back into his heart once more, and with it, the strength to smile. "Nah, we're not Robin. It was a long time ago. We're still here, and we're totally awesome. Everybody has secrets."

Robin chuckled and wiped her nose. "You're the best Barney," she said, and kissed him on the cheek.

"I know," he said, and held her until her tears dried.

She held him until his did too.


End file.
